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On the perceptions of the self and the shadow.
November 2010 Posts
Okay, so I am still getting cleanse by the All-Love energy and I am not even sure I understand what it is doing. All I know is that it is within me (sometimes more noticeable than others) and it is something similar to breathing in that it seems to be a natural part of my energy or manifest in my energies in a very synergistic way.
Today I was at the Whole Life Exposition in Toronto where exhibits from different healing modalities are gathered together. I only attended because my wife's school, Transformational Arts College, where she is studying Holistic Healing, had a booth and she volunteered to be there. As part of the booth they were offering REIKI mini-treatments, Chakra Balancing and Aromatherapy with Massage/Reflexology. Since I have been doing REIKI for some time, I was allowed in the booth as a backup in case they needed to.
To my surprise, one of the administrators from the school asked me to give a treatment because she wanted to see how my energies were! I then proceeded to give a seated REIKI treatment using symbols. I felt the All-Love energies were around but very lightly, it was not my intention that these energy be present in the session. I asked my guides to be gently on her since we were in this open spot and certainly it would have been scandalous to have a person go into a deep emotional release! So as I was giving the treatment my hands started to shake a bit and I felt minor energy rushes thru my body. Now I have practiced only once or twice the All-Love seated procedure and only in the workshops. I was not expecting the energy to come up.
At the conclusion of the treatment I asked the school administrator what was the experience like and she said. "Oh I felt like this infinity movement going up and down my body shaking things. It would move up and down from the base of the spine to the top of the head. And at the point when you were working the throat I felt like my voice wanted to say something and bring out sounds, but being in the exhibition stopped me from expressing them." She also said that the infinity moved from side to side in the chest like when you put the infinity symbol in the heart.
So that was it, I felt like wow, the energy just came on it's own and worked on her! Interestingly, one of the latest things I have been working are my doubts about my connection with the All-Love energy and whether I belonged to the Spiritual Circle/Hierarchies behind it. After this it really does not matter, somehow I know the energies are going to be there whether I choose to use them consciously or not. Certainly there is a whole lot to learn/remember from them. I am just excited to see what things it will bring to my life.
This is what I love about the energy, when you some experience to really allow you to feel what it is all about, a situation presents itself and you get just what you need.
Yesterday was a hard day. I was dragged to do "Christmas shopping"! By the end of the day I could not stand my lower back! I felt terribly tired and drained. All I could do when I got home was to get a shower and go to sleep. I went early to sleep and slept for about 12 hours. I had all kind of dreams and some impressions from the "other side". When I woke up I felt replenished but there was a nagging sensation wanting to be expressed.
The sensation was of hopelessness. There was this impression that the World was dominated completely by the dark side and that any spiritual attempts we do are not going much further. Some of the psychic skills, cognitions and energy awakenings that some develop are but virtualizations made by the dark matrix to make us belief that we have made "some progress". I felt this matrix is surrounding the whole Planet and whenever someone moves into spiritual development the dark matrix will be there to jeopardize your success or to fool you into believing the work you are doing is for the benefit of humanity. In essence it was the picture of a spiritual prison camp that has been slowly moving into the physical world and is now on the verge of complete resolution of the physical realm. It was very depressing to feel all this. My chest was contracted, my throat was blocked and in pain too, my lower back pain was non-stopping. I felt I wanted to renounce to pain and to life!
But at some point in the day the energy shifted and the sensations went from strong to moderate to mild. At the time of this writing I can still feel the sensation of my throat, chest and belly but it is very light. I decided to do something that had nothing to do with spirituality and decided to watch a movie. I choose a movie called "Knowing" not knowing what it was all about....
So again, although the movie was about a doomsday scenario for Earth, the movie is also linked to the Gulf Oil Disaster as it was shown in the movie a fire in an oil rig. And I got into checking this and found the connection to the conspiracy theories about the 12/13 families and so on and so forth....
The movie was very well associated with the previous impressions I got about the World earlier in the morning.
I really do not know what to make of all this... is it fear of the future? Fear of dominion by the dark side? Fear to our own dark side? Could there be some truth in saying that such "Royal Families" also control the "Mystery Schools" and all spiritual knowledge?
So that is how another day goes by....
Hollywood tends to promote the doomsday stuff, that is what sells. Beautiful angels descending from Heaven is not nearly as exciting as a battle cruiser.
For myself I feel a beautiful shift happening now. The classes have been a wonderful reflection of this as I see the people facing and embracing the shadow self, if you like movies check out the Dark Crystal, this one is well done.
It made for kids and little angels. When I put out the word for the Sekhem Seichim Seichem Reunion Egypt 12 12 12 event so many have said , oh what about the energies at that time, meaning what about all the fear, so is this what we are creating?
Since what we focus on we create, right?
So I am focusing a miraculous event of a lifetime that will shift world. You know there is a prophesy the SEKHEM will descend on earth.... at least that is what I read on the internet somewhere.
So here I am... too sleepy to do yoga yet I was able to get up after 5 hrs of sleep... So last night the topic of not accepting abundance came from yet another angle... What is it that I want in life? As I felt my heart looking for an answer one perspective was very eloquent to me last night. Mainly that of being able to experience the truth and completeness of who I am right here, right now, on this planet, in this dimension. Some call this God self realization, but I think that is a fancy wording. My discovery last night was that there is a part of me that is at odds with abundance (material mainly) because it feels it would steer me away from the above stated purpose! Yet at the same time when one looks at the concept of God one can see how the Unmanifested God is expressing itself thru a multitude of beings and universes in an abundant way! It seems paradoxical that what is natural in God is denied for us. Or is it? Then perhaps that thought about abundance being in the way to God self realization might be a rut programming! Again if you read my previous post you can make the connection that what is going on here is self sabotage of the ego. Because of family/society programming I do not value myself in a way that I am worthy, as per my egos judgement, to experience God within me in this very right moment! Many of us have learned about a path to God made by keeping disciplines and austerities yet I ask you "Is this really the nature of God?" How many millions of lifetimes have there been denying oneself of God's treasured abundance? Life can be and life on this Planet can be anything we choose from our heart and it needs not to be what most of us are experiencing on the present moment. So why have we chosen to be away to what seems to be God most treasured nature? A World with abundant Love and Compassion, abundant Peace and Hapiness, abundant Harmony and Cooperation. A World with abundant food and shelter for all, abundant spiritual energies, abundant awakened people... A World full of people seeking to face their truth, where the Truthfully teachings are available and sough abundantly... Yet here we are... In practice school, not practicing what we are, seeking value where value is not, and even for those that know where value is, we deny it to ourselves. How to be what we already are?
It is amazing when you go to the All-Love workshops and people from different places get together. You would think that people have nothing in common, yet as the workshop goes on your verily find out that such is not the truth. On the Chicago Workshop I would say that the main topic was Healing the relationship with the Mother. It was amazing to watch how many different angles this can take and the deep implications in our society of no having a healthy relationship with our mothers. It is being said that the Mother represents everything that nurtures you, thus the importance of the Mother figure is expressed in our everyday survival and appreciation of others. On the spiritual side of it, the Mother represents our feminine side, and thus it is an integral part of any healing looking to balance our male-female aspects. The Mother also represents our relationship with the Planet Earth so we can infer by all the destruction the society is doing of the natural environment that the collective humanity has ways to go to heal the relationship with the Mother.
My experience during the workshop was very intense. I was overwhelmed by the sensations of being in this dark and cold place. Alone and hungry not having anyone to take care of me. Around me was pestilence, seemed trashy and toxic. It made me feel nauseous and so I purged during the workshop. Feeling of not being appreciated were also present and negated the value of living my life. Another aspect that I felt was that of having a Mother figure that repressed her inner sexual desires and thus also repressed any expression of their children. At some point I felt as if all these issues were like little demons that hide in darkness in my belly. I could sense the hard shell protecting them from being expelled from my matrix. It was as if I was carrying them in my spiritual womb and it was time now to bring them into the light. The sensation of being a woman that was giving birth to an undesired child was very present when one of the teacher, Brenda, held me and asked me to push to get it out.
I was left motionless in a state of nothingness and then my body started to twitch and jolt. The trembles were growing stronger and stronger inside of me and I just watched as my body moved. The surged would come from the bottom of my feet up thru the spine to my head and my body would seem as if having a seizure. Yet I was just there watching what was happening with my body. I started to feel a sensation of goodness in each jolt and that sensation increased to a light bliss state. I was enjoying each wave of energy as it passed thru my body. Then the energy moved into my throat very strongly and my voice started to emit sounds. I do not remember very well them but there was a feeling of joy. Something inside of me was connecting... and it was enjoyable to do so. So I just let myself be taken by this flow and allowed the sorrows from that lonely inner child were taken away.
Yet the thread about healing the Mother relationship still continues. A week after the workshop I am now finding that I picked a pattern of not being good enough and that pattern is the one that fuels my desire to do more than I can for others. IT is like a part of me is trying to show that I have value by overdoing things. And so I give to others in an unbalanced way and I give but do not allow myself to receive....
For the past days I have been feeling all high. The intense energy exchanges of the Chicago workshop rippled like waves in an ocean. I kept on jolting with these electric shocks that feel very good inside almost blissfull. Yet I was back to reality and though I am not working I still have to resolve some projects issues from my previous work. Yesterday I was called in and had to send some documents back home to resolve one of those projects. So, I went to Fedex-Kinkos and knowing it was to be a quick thing paid only for a one-hour parking space. WRONG!!! It took me two hours and a half what was meant to be 15 minutes. So in the meanwhile the feelings arose of not wanting to work anymore on situations that feel out of my control like this project is. The issue at hand have been going back and forth since last summer (before I moved to Toronto) because the engineer from the government agency seems like not wanting to release the approval for the project. I sometimes get into this dialogs of the mind where it seems like either my shadow self is wanting to bring misery to my life, trying to consume my energies in meager things like this or use all my money on last minute repairs or changes to plans! I could not believe myself! I was back to the old habit of thinking my problems out. As I got out of the Fedex-Kinkos wondering why is it so hard for me to be at peace with what I was doing I figure my time limit of one hour had expired! Oh boy as I got to the car it had a parking ticket for $42.00 Ouch! Then the same thinking engine that was complaining before was now more self assertive on myself... "That's what happens when you are cheap!" Ouch I started feeling hurting in my chest again and not feeling good at all. The black cloud syndrome came back to me... I kept on feeling my heart and it made it all very strong...